Sunday, February 12, 2012

Elementary: Elephants!

There's a mystery that needs solving.

What could the people who live directly above me possibly be doing all day, every day (and all night, every night)?
The evidence points to:

  • Three very large men practicing Tae-Kwon-Doe, while the other four large men play four-square with a bowling ball.
  • An army of midgets being forced to river dance by gladiators throwing stones at them.
  • Six sumo wrestlers tap dancing with cement shoes on.
  • They're massacring every living polar bear left on the planet.
  • Two ogres tirelessly having very rough sex on every surface of the apartment. 
  • Horse races. With Clydesdales.
  • One of those big magnet junk yard car destroyer machines hot wired and driven by monkeys. 
  • They're making a documentary: Fight Club 2-Fat People Fight Too.
  • They've invited the entire NBA to play basketball in their living room.
  • They're training six camels, four seals, and a small elephant for the circus. 
That's all I've got, and if the cause for the noise is none of these things, I will be sorely disappointed. 

But mostly angry.

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